I wrote this blog when I was in Monrovia, Liberia in 2012. Liberia has been on my mind often these past few months and so I wish I could write something that does justice to the capacity for optimism, mind boggling survival instincts, and tenacious swagger that Liberia embody to me. Sadly, my writing can never bring that to life so instead I will instead share with you my favorite experience with Liberian cuisine.
My favorite dish in Monrovia was palm butter chicken. Palm butter is a rich creamy sauce that you make from palm fruit (the same fruit from which you extract palm oil.) The sauce is thick like curry and eat it with rice. The sauce works with all kinds of meats, but chicken worked with it particularly well.
Palm Fruit
During our final week in Monrovia (June 2012), my friend suggested we try to learn how to make palm butter ourselves. Little did I know the dish would take 3 people 7 hours to make. It was totally worth it.
The poor soul who agreed to teach us was Sara, one of the most patient and hard working people on the planet.
The Shopping
We started our day by heading to the glorious Maggi market where “every woman is a star” to buy our fresh ingredients.
Entering “Maggi” Market where the magic happens
We were hunting for chicken, onions, palm, spices, coal and chilies.
Mission accomplished. We got it all onions, tomato paste, toxic looking random substances, okra, re-portioned spices and then of course we hit the family planning clinic at the market. I have to say whoever decided to locate a clinic at Maggi market understood their target population. So kudos to you…
Buying chicken and Onions. Notice how chicken is stored and presented.Finally buying our palmLocal Delicacies
After a very successful shopping trip we headed home to make the magic happen.
The Magic
I’m just going to let the pictures do the talking here, but the gist of it is we took turns churning palm while the others prepped and cooked the chicken, rice and other vegetables. My money says churning palm is going to be a future fitness fad. Remember you heard it here first.
Washing The PalmOur Drainage systemLighting our cooking fireChopping chilly peppersPalm Churning (40-45mins in)Palm Churning 90 minutes inThe Water SupplyThe churning continuesChilly churning time!Meanwhile, someone needed to “wash” the chickenObviously re-washing the chicken
Finally time to cook the chicken. For this dish we’ll be boiling the hell out of it with some oil, onions, salt and pepper.Now it’s time to the infinite process of straining our palmNow we strainNow we repeated the straining process around 3 times until we got every bit of palm oil outand this is the pulp left after our 5 rounds of strainingWe finally get to the cooking!
At that point I was collapsed on the corner recovering from all that churning while my friend and Sarah cooked the delicious palm butter sauce. They thickened the pure palm over low heat for 45mins then you add the chicken then voila!
Dinner is served!
Chicken with palm butter sauce and riceEnjoying the final product
Now I leave you with some adorable cat pictures from Maggie Market!
In an attempt to embrace the wisdom that comes with “aging.” Last October, I compiled a list of the life lessons I’ve learned so far. This month I’m back in reflection mode and I’m curious if people feel the same way so here are some of my nuggets of wisdom in proper “list porn” format:
Control is a myth or as the Great Master Yoda says: “Impossible to see, the future is.”
A wise friend once told me: “Your true challenge in life is to accept the unknown.” Few truer statements have been uttered in this life. Recently, I have concluded that happy people are those who work hard to perfect everything within their control and don’t spend their time and energy obsessing over things they know to be out of their control.
Fact: You don’t control when and where you’re born, parents you’re born to, # of siblings and your natural likes and dislikes. You don’t control who you’ll meet and whether they’ll like you ( Sure you can try to be likable, but you will never be able to control the outcome) and finally you have no control over a drunk driver possibly hitting you or one of your loved ones on a random Wednesday.
The universe is full of unknowns . Embrace them and you’ll be surprised how much lighter and happier you feel.
There’s more to life than vacationing
Zanzibar
We are obsessed with our vacations and our trips (as we should be) and wanderlust is definitely healthy and fulfilling. I would even argue that most people associate paradise/ultimate winning with pristine beaches, colorful cocktails and doing nothing. That sounds epic, but let’s face it, real life is what happens in between those vacations. You should be spending that time obsessing over your purpose in life (whatever it may be) and depleting your energy in pursuit of said purpose then going for that inspiring rejuvenating vacation so you can live to fight another day (for chosen purpose).
I understand this may seem ludicrous to some people, but what makes vacations so special is their scarcity. Otherwise you’d be surprised how “doing nothing in beautiful places” gets old pretty quickly.
What you want for others may not be what they want for themselves
Only SATC fans will get this.
We’ve all judged the life decisions of people we care about. Be it friends, parents, siblings, children, or significant others. Of course we usually only judge them when they spurn our advice and follow their own hearts.
One way to approach is would be to stop attempting to control the actions of others but the other would be to accept that what you want for those you love may not be what they want for themselves.
People have different passions, drivers and life goals. Some people work for money, others for appreciation or passion, some people marry for love, others for status or security. So, live and let live. Give people your honest opinion when they ask for it, but respect and support them regardless of whether they took your advice.
Also, apply this to yourself because you’ll notice that what you want is not necessarily what you need. So, just digest that for a moment.
Beware of “The Great Gatsby Effect”
Robert Redford is still the best Gatsby in my book
I define “The Great Gatsby Effect” as the aggrandizement and perfection your mind bestows on someone/thing/where that you no longer see regularly.
In the case of Gatsby, this happened with Daisy, a beautiful shallow vain selfish woman. Gatsby spend years away from Daisy and his mind started painting her an angelic personification of perfection. His disillusionment was a painful struggle and never should have happened if his mind hadn’t tricked him.
We all have our own version of “Daisy.” It could be an ex, high school crush, charming Italian town, childhood candy or even an old boss. The the sooner we force our disillusionment, the easier it will be to move on and lead a healthier happier life. #Spoiler alert, Gatsby dies at the end of the story and Daisy doesn’t even blink. #Fail
Speaking of disillusionment….
Social media is Photoshop for real life
Unless it produced legit entertainment value, Why would you post an ugly picture of yourself on social media? Why would you share boring life details that no one cares about? Apply the same rules to other people and that should take care of all that “Life is unfair, how come everyone else is doing all these cool things all the time” blues. It literally is Photoshop-style editing that people apply their lives.
Self awareness is a gift and not everyone has been blessed with said gift. Some people talk about themselves for a good 45 minutes without realizing they haven’t asked the other person a single question. Others have a direct approach which they don’t realize might offend others. This list can go on and on. The key takeaway is always give people the benefit of the doubt and try to nudge them in the right direction before you put them in a box and cross them off forever. Always remember that someone might be giving you the exact same treatment.
The more you make the more you spend
During her MBA, my friend’s professor told her that “The greatest gift you can give yourself is the ability to walk away.” He then explained that part of being flexible is not confining yourself to a certain lifestyle. As your income increases, so do your spending habits and if you end up losing that income for some reason, reverting back to your older lifestyle will be difficult and painful. The way I see it, the key is to be cognizant of that and to never take anything for granted. Never lose sight that these lifestyle changes are a privilege and that privilege may not last forever then plan accordingly.
The Best is Yet to Come. ALWAYS.
If you internalize this statement and believe it, I honestly believe it will come true. Good things will happen if you don’t stop seeking them. Enjoy what you have, but never stop wanting more.
For some inspiration check out:
The story of Madam CJ Walker who went from picking cotton at 14 to making building her own multimillion dollar business when she was over 40.
The story of Diana Nyad who swam from Cuba to Florida at 64
Stan Lee who didn’t write his first “Marvel” comic till he was 39
My dad died last September – Yes you can’t say “passed away” or “left us” or “departed.” You have to say “die.” The first lesson about grief is realizing the harshness of it. It’s not something you get over by using words that are easier on the ears. Saying “passed away” won’t make my father’s death any less final. Grief is just a harsh reality that you need to embrace with your heart and mind. You just need to yield and surrender your all.
It will take over your life, but the quicker you let it in, the quicker you will adapt and just learn to live with it until it became a scar that is part of you, but not one that dominates you.
I’m definitely not there yet. I tried to resist. I thought: “People die, “hard fact,” I need to get used to it. I need to be stronger for all those “weaker” souls who aren’t as strong as I am. Boy was I wrong.
I’ve always been been proud of my ability to control my emotions and never understood why it was so hard for others. Now I understand. I have become a ticking time bomb prone to explosion at any given moment.
At first, this idea terrified me, but there was nothing I could do about it. When grief hits you, there is absolutely nothing you could do, you are helpless and broken and you need to acknowledge that you have a problem. It’s time for you to say words like “died,” “مات” despite all the pain. It’s hard.
A month after he died, I forced myself into a state of denial. I tried to ground my denial in faith and optimism. It didn’t work. I had to let things be and stop forcing it.
My advice to you if you are afflicted with the loss of someone you care for is: let grief consume you and embrace it because otherwise, you are forced to deal with an infected hole in your heart that requires intervention rather than a hole that would have simply healed with time.
Hattaba 