When my dad died last September. Yes you can’t say “passed away” or “left us” or “departed.” You have to say “die.” The first lesson about grief is realizing the harshness of it. It’s not something you get over by using words that are easier on the ears. Saying “passed away” won’t make my father’s death any less final. Grief is just a harsh reality that you need to embrace with your heart and mind. You just need to yield and surrender your all.
It will take over your life, but the quicker you let it in, the quicker you will adapt and just learn to live with it until it became a scar that is part of you, but not one that dominates you.
I’m definitely not there yet. I tried to resist. I thought: “People die, “hard fact,” I need to get used to it. I need to be stronger for all those “weaker” souls who aren’t as strong as I am. Boy was I wrong.
I’ve always been been proud of my ability to control my emotions and never understood why it was so hard for others. Now I understand. I have become a ticking time bomb prone to explosion at any given moment.
At first this idea terrified me, but there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. When grief it hits you, there is absolutely nothing you could do. Now it’s time to let go. The time to admit there’s a problem. The time to say words like “died,” “مات” and that’s it’s hard.
A month after he died, I forced myself into a state of denial. I tried to ground my denial in faith and optimism. It didn’t work. It’s time to just let things be and stop forcing it. (link to FB note)
My advice to you if you are afflicted with the loss of someone you care for is let grief consume you and embrace it because otherwise, you are forced to deal with an infected hole in your heart that requires intervention rather than a hole that would have simply healed with time.